I am not bulletproof.

That is all I can repeat in my head right now. I am not bulletproof. The semester ends on Friday, I'll be done with finals next Wednesday. And then it's summer. And then it's fall. UCSC. I feel like this is my time to grow. I am being faced with challenges and problems that I need to deal with myself. My parents aren't here to baby me. I have to be an adult. I have to be responsible. I have to be mature. And I have to know that I am not bulletproof. I am not Superman. I am not invincible. Every day, I learn something new. About myself. Every day, I pat myself on the back for that bit of knowledge I gained. I realized last week why I was so upset about my parents leaving. Despite the fact that I've been spoiled and I've never been away from them for more than a week. There is no one in my life who knows me the way they do. Not even close. I have my secrets, and I like having my secrets. I have a facade I put on, for even my closest friends. I don't want to. I just do. I'm never fully myself. It's years and years of insecurities, and I know that. Nonetheless, I always keep my emotions under control, I always keep my thoughts to myself, I always hold back. And I never did when I lived at home. When I was at home, I was able to be myself, in EVERY way. I am not myself now. And it's not that I don't want to be myself, I CANNOT be myself. I am not comfortable enough to be myself. I act like I'm the king of the world. I act like nothing can hurt me, like my zest for life never dies. But I am not bulletproof.