I love to singa.

Today, I looked through all my tagged photos on Facebook. I just said and remembered everything. I remembered Tommy. I remembered my friendship with Gary. I remembered drunken nights at the Crib, and early mornings at Starbucks. I remembered party after party after party at ParkMerced. I remembered all the SF State kids. I remembered the shopping trips to Urban and H&M. I remembered driving to Santa Cruz, or San Francisco, or Alameda, or San Jose, or San Mateo, or LOS ANGELES. I just remembered being young and crazy and having fun at all times. I haven't thought about that in a while. I've been stuck in this funk of working and going to class and going to rehearsal, and having fun, but not being uninhibited, not really just letting loose. And I think it's because I used to be surrounded by a group of people that I could be myself around. As painstakingly fake and materialistic and shallow the gay community is, when I used to hang out with the SF State kids, it wasn't about all that. Well, it was a little bit, but they understood me. I had a gay group. And I don't have a gay group anymore. I don't even really have a group anymore. I have my close friends. I guess I shouldn't be complaining, there was a LOT of drama that went down when I was hanging out with the gays. But I do miss it. I mean, I'm sure I'll have it all back the second I turn 21, but I guess I'm just in SUCH a transitional phase right now, I don't know what to do with myself. My parents are moving, I've moved out, and am about to move again in a few months, I'm about to be at a real school, I'm about to be 21, I'm about to be TRULY on my own. So many things are changing at the same time, and I guess I just don't have something stable to rely on like a group of gay boys to get drunk with every weekend. I know, my sarcasm is impeccable. I'm not really sure the point of this. I guess I'm just writing to say that I miss having fun ALL the time. And I know I'm growing up and it's not always gonna be fun, and I'm okay with that. Just weird to think about those times. I've had some good times in my life, and I'm not even 21 yet. 

Right now, I don't know if I should look ahead to the future, or remember the past, but there's nothing really going on in the present, and I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. I just want to have fun. And I have a feeling this summer has a lot of fun in store for me. We just gotta get to summer first. 5 weeks. G'night world.