Cleanup time.

Wow oh wow oh wow I don't even know where to begin. In eight days, I will have been in Santa Cruz for two months. It has been the most amazing experience here, and I cannot wait for the things that are about to happen to me. I feel like I'm at summer camp. I love the people here, I love the environment, I love the fact that on my walk to class every morning I can't count on two hands the number of deer I see. I love that no one has any preconceived notions about me, I love the liberating feeling of not worrying about what to wear to class because people here REALLY don't care. I love being embraced and uplifted because my skin is brown, and I'm homosexual, and I'm artistic. This place was exactly what I needed.

So, what have I been up to for the last month? I was cast in a show called Sissy in an organization called Rainbow Theater, which specializes in ethnically based plays and performances. It's basically a chance to get the voices and stories of each of these groups heard in ways they may not have been able to express in the past. I have so far had a pretty good experience meeting people and being a part of it. It obviously is not going to be anything upscale or superb, but it's really not about that, and I think that is something I really need to remember when I get frustrated with unorganized rehearsals or bad communication between the staff. What Rainbow is there for is to reach out a hand to underrepresented groups in theater and say, "Hey, you do matter. We want to hear your story." So, it feels really empowering to be a part of it because there are so many people involved in it that NEVER thought they would be part of an organization like this. The show opened last night to be totally and completely embraced by everyone in the audience. It felt so good to A) be performing again, and B) in a different kind of context. The playwright was actually in the audience and told us how proud he was of the production we put on. It felt really good to be a part of it.

In other news...

And I guess the most exciting news of all, I am currently pledging the "frarority" Delta Lambda Psi. Let me explain. In 2005, five UCSC students came back from the Western Regional GLBTQQIA Conference and wanted to increase the population and acknowledgment of the queer community on campus. They became the alpha class of Delta Lambda Psi, which began as a fraternity, but very quickly morphed into something else. They soon realized that gender is not a necessarily defining factor in someone's life, and that many people don't identify with their biological "genders" or even either gender at all. So they combined a fraternity and a sorority and DLP was born. I am really excited to be a part of this and have something to really care about and believe in. THIS is why I came UC, for experiences and opportunities like this. I can't imagine myself anywhere else right now. And although there are definitely nights when I'm sitting in my dorm room missing Carissa and Marcus and Karsyn sitting in the Amador Lakes living room eating pizza and drinking, I feel so glad and proud and privileged to be where I am today. And I promise I won't leave another two month gap in blog again. Ever. <3 :)

One week.

When you first arrive in a new city, nothing makes sense. Everything is unknown, virgin... After you've lived there, walked those streets, you'll know them inside out. You'll know those people. Once you've lived there, crossed that street 10, 20, 1000 times... it'll belong to you because you've lived there. This is about to happen to me. And I cannot wait.

Seven days until I move to Santa Cruz. Those seven days are going to speed past me. I'm in San Diego until Friday, when I'll fly back to the Bay and drive straight up to the house for the tour. This weekend will be full of stress and hard work, but it will pay off. And then, I have two days to get everything situated before I move in on Wednesday. I'm sure you all know by now how excited I am to go, but I can't help saying it again. I feel free. I feel liberated. It's a beautiful feeling, one I've never really experienced before. Of course it's going to be weird not being in the Bay - the place that I've spent the last 21 years of my life. I know the Bay Area like the back of my hand. But, my family is basically gone from there, and the friends I have there are too close to me to lose because of distance. So, really, I have nothing keeping me there. Nothing. Not work, not a love interest, not any sort of opportunities. Nothing. Why SHOULDN'T I be excited to leave? Why should I WANT to stay somewhere because it's convenient or familiar. I guess I'm just excited to be finally getting out. When my mom died, I beat myself up a lot because I felt like I had gotten nowhere for her to be proud of. Sure, I was a supervisor at Starbucks at 19 years old; sure, I was doing 15 units a semester, plus 32 hours at work, plus doing shows on the side. But, I had nothing to show for it really. I would run into people I went to high school with, and it was like, "Yup, I still live at home, I still work at Starbucks, I still go to Ohlone." And I guess that has more to do with me worrying about what other people think about me than anything else, but, growing up in a town like San Leandro, where it's "hard" to get out and succeed, I didn't want to be another statistic. So, doing this is my ticket out. I don't ever had to come back if I don't want to. The Bay Area is such a bubble. We think the rest of the world is like that, or should be like that, but it isn't, and no one says it has to be. And although I'm not going THAT far from the Bay, I cannot wait to learn a new place, and meet new people, and experience new things.

The world is a carousel of color.

I've spent the last few weeks getting rid of almost everything I own. Selling furniture I loved and bought to feel like an adult in a real apartment even though I was still living at home, clothes I spent thousands and thousands of dollars on, DVD's, books, throwing away things I kept for false sentimental reasons. There's something liberating about not having any of the material things I used to think defined me. I just think I've grown so much from the way I was when I bought those things. When I still living at home, when the Crib was the most important thing to me, when everything that stressed me out was trivial. I FEEL like a different person.

I'm leaving the apartment on Monday. 6 days left here, and then it's a bunch of crazy traveling until I settle in Santa Cruz on the 15th. It can't come fast enough. I am so excited to be on my own, truly. I am so excited to meet new people, and to grow and define myself on my own terms. Getting rid of everything is part of being able to let go of this part of my life. Of course I'm sad to leave what I know, what is so familiar to me. But, it's also really thrilling. More thrilling than anything else I may be feeling. I want to meet people who don't know me. I want to be able to go downtown and not see 13 people I either went to high school with or spent the last 3 years getting drunk and running around the city with. The bay area has given me everything it can give to me right now, along with all the people I've encountered here; I've learned everything I can from them.

2010 has been a huge year for me. And I'm so glad I've matured in the ways I have, and I'm so glad I've grown in the ways I have. And I cannot wait to mature and grow some more. To experience more. And to really find myself in Santa Cruz. I complained a lot about community college for a long time, but I think it's important to have this kind of feeling before leaving home and having the college experience. I'm ready to leave. And I want to leave. And that's something I didn't have in 2007. This summer has been one to remember, definitely, and I cannot wait for the rest of the memories 2010 brings to me. Here's to the future!

Auditions/Quick update.

I've got a LOT of stuff coming up. The You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown audition is tomorrow. I'm excited, but it's definitely my second choice show. I need to do RENT. NEEEEEED to. Las Positas College is doing it for their spring musical, and I'm auditioning for it in a week and a half. And I cannot WAIT. On top of it being RENT, I'll get 7 units that I can use for school, which is always nice. It sucks that these two shows are running at the same time, cuz I want to do them both! I feel like no one EVER does productions of You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown, so this might be my only chance in a longgggg time to do it. But, I mean, it's RENT. =D My audition for Syracuse University is scheduled for January 30th, in New York, which will be super exciting. And finally, my New York University audition is on February 16th, in San Francisco. The closer I get to these auditions and app deadlines, the closer I get to being accepted somewhere and transferring. I can't believe it's so close! =D

In other news.

Things are overall going really well. Work and school and rehearsals for both shows. Keeping busy and out of trouble. The Christmas spirit has taken me over. I love this time of year. I went through my closet and got rid of a LOT of clothes I never wear. I've also begun my diet and workout plan. But like, for real this time. So far, this week has been great. Happy Hump Day guys.

New Beginnings/Academia

I'm switching to Blogger after 5 long years with Livejournal. It's quite sad, but I refuse to forget my first blog as it has been with me through a lot. With my life changing in so many ways, it's time to start fresh. Here's to our time together.

This Thanksgiving break seemed to be a long one and I'm not too sure why. It feels like the last time I was at school was weeks ago, though every weekend is just as long as this one was. School is making me really happy. I'm doing well in all my classes, and doing well on assignments I thought I bombed. Isn't that always how it goes? I have so much to look forward to concerning school. Spring classes begin February 1st and I'm already registered for all the classes that I need. I have school auditions coming up QUICK and I'm starting to prepare for those. The coming months are vital in the rest of my academic career and my anticipation is getting the best of me.

School has always been a really stressful subject for me. Being the perfectionist and the overachiever that I admittedly am, I cannot stand the thought of failure. And although sometimes my laziness and my ambition don't work too well together, education is important to me, and I want to make myself and my parents proud of the work that I do. Going to community college straight out of high school was a sort of wake up call for me that I needed to begin preparing myself for a university; I needed to do the job that San Leandro High School didn't do. Over the past three years, I think I have prepared myself for a university, all the while working insane hours and finding my true passions. I may not have gotten the dorm experience or the dining hall experience or the camaraderie of new young adults living on their own in an entirely foreign place. But I know what I want out of life. That's what I got from Ohlone College. And THAT kind of knowledge is invaluable.

So as I plug on with my applications and my auditions and my recommendations and my transcripts and test scores, all I can think of is my first day at Ohlone College. I feel like a senior in high school right now, writing a graduation speech. But who would have known on that first day back in 2007 that Ohlone College would have been such a big stepping stone for me? And that in the end, I would appreciate my time there, no matter how much I complained along the way. I look forward to what's in store.