I miss this.

This will always make me smile. And cry.

Life's Big Questions

Does knowledge hold us back?


Knowledge comes with a price: certainty. When we know something for sure (or think we do, anyway), doesn’t it pull us out from living in the mystery of the next moment—in the unknowable and infinite possibilities? Isn't that part of the fun in life? Do we really find more comfort having all the answers and limiting possibility? Or should we instead adopt a beginner's mind to every situation, where what we 'know' is only one of many potential outcomes?


"In the beginner's mind, there are many possibilities, but in the expert's mind, there are few." --Shunryu Suzuki

This is how my heart behaves.

"My heartbeat beats me senselessly. Why's everything gotta be so intense with me?"

Sometimes I feel like a 16 year old girl. I go through this range of emotions in very small increments of time, from one extreme end of the spectrum to the other and everything in between. In other words, I overanalyze everything. And I love the beginning stages of relationships because of that. That scary, unpredictable feeling that hits your stomach as your mind tries to figure out the meaning behind someone else's actions. It makes me feel alive. I'm to the point that I know what I want and what I look for in someone. And when I meet someone who possesses said qualities, I can't help but get excited, especially when said person shows an interest in me. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a smitten kitten. I don't think there's anything wrong with allowing someone to run through your mind all day. But society sets limits and gives us rules. Society tells us to wait three days before you call, to not callback right away, to come up with strategies, and to play tons of games. I don't see anything wrong with letting someone know that you like them. I don't see anything wrong with telling someone you would love to grow close to them, to be someone they depend on, to be something important to them. People love to hear that kind of stuff, right? And if someone is ready and willing to be there for me, why would that be scary? Why are we so worried about seeming desperate? Why do we go against our natural instincts and force ourselves to conservatively, politely, and passionlessly date?

I'm ready to know love again.

<3

Life's Big Questions

Are we universally addicted to the search for meaning?

Quote of the year.

"To live will be an awfully big adventure."






=D

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

2010 is here, and I'm ready to face it head on. Although I do love my life and the person I am, I'm ready for new experiences and adventures. I'm ready for all the life-changing events that will be happening this year. But, I'm most ready for new relationships. I want...no, I NEED, just one relationship to be easy. And when I say easy, I don't mean easy. I mean, I need to meet someone who isn't an idiot, who isn't "unsure" of what he wants, who doesn't "need to get his priorities in order." I don't want to have to play all those games. i always think that my standards are too high, that if I had reasonable expectations, I wouldn't be single. But, in all actuality, I don't ask for much. I just want to be treated the way I should be treated. I want to be more than your good time. I want to meet someone who is willing to give it a try, who is willing to take a chance, who is willing to love like he's never felt heartbreak. I am so optimistic about love. Despite EVERYTHING. So, why is it so hard to meet someone who has the same attitude? Who is just WILLING. This year, I just need someone willing.

I have said recently I don't want to date until I transfer schools. It's not that I don't want to date, I just want to let it be. I want to let whatever will happen happen. What I mean is, I don't want to worry about dating. I don't want to frivolously worry about inconsequential boys. I don't want to deal with all the drama of boys who don't know how to deal. And maybe part of that is my fault, I need to learn how to filter out the bad ones. But until I have that gift, I don't want to go out of my way looking for love. That's how they get us. It's like the lion preying on the vulnerable. Sometimes I feel that my optimism about love is really masking my naivety. But that's not true either. I have learned a lot about relationships in the past, say, 5 years. I know I'm an amazing partner. I know I can make someone really happy. I just need someone to be willing. Someone who wants to see what happens, who doesn't just wanna hook up when it's convenient for them, who will really put in the effort. It's not like I need a husband. I just need someone who knows how to not be a douche.