This time won't you save me?

Alright, so Thanksgiving was lovely. I am currently here in Carlsbad with my father and we had a wonderful feast last night with his brother and his brother's family. I got a moment to look back on this year and really reflect. It truly has been a crazy, crazy year. Almost every aspect of my life is different than it was in November 2009...But that's all coming in a later post. My initial inspiration for this post is something that has been on my mind for a few weeks now. In premise, I would like to say that I have not posted a "relationship"post in a long time, and I am perfectly content with my life where it is. I love my school, I love my friends, I love my life. I cannot remember the last time I was truly sad. Well, I guess that would be sometime around the beginning of June, but either way, the point is I am very happy with my current situation.

Okay, so, in the past two months I have met more boyfriends and girlfriends and friends with benefits and best friends in love than I can count on two hands. I have seen more people find each other and like each other and fall for each other and cry about each other than I have ever seen in my life. I guess it's because we're all college kids, living the real college life now, right? I have seen people who have been together for 5 years and are still going strong, and people who drunkenly stumbled upon each other one night and really found a connection. Love is in the air all around me. And I refuse to be jaded enough to say that love does not exist in the gay community. I refuse to be naive enough to say the gays are too shallow to really be searching for a connection. Those used to be my excuses, my personal ways of explaining why I was so lonely. But everyone wants that intimacy and connection with someone, and that is what I am here to write about. I want a relationship, sure, but I don't want it overnight and I don't want it to be superficial. I want that feeling of someone staring at me endearingly as I get worked up, talking passionately about theater. And something like that takes time. My standards aren't unrealistic. I just won't allow myself to settle, so they feel unreachable. Boys used to stress me out, more than any of you actually know. I've gotten to a point where I realized there's nothing I can do but NOT stress out. If someone is going to love me, he is going to love me. And there is no reason I should be something or someone else for this person. It seems almost laughable doesn't it, that I would need to realize something like that? In any case, I think this is the first time in my life that I can actually say that I'm ready for a real relationship. And along with that readiness comes an extra sense of patience. Because I know the next relationship I am in will be a real one. Which is pretty liberating.