Showing posts with label cute. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cute. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
This time won't you save me?
Alright, so Thanksgiving was lovely. I am currently here in Carlsbad with my father and we had a wonderful feast last night with his brother and his brother's family. I got a moment to look back on this year and really reflect. It truly has been a crazy, crazy year. Almost every aspect of my life is different than it was in November 2009...But that's all coming in a later post. My initial inspiration for this post is something that has been on my mind for a few weeks now. In premise, I would like to say that I have not posted a "relationship"post in a long time, and I am perfectly content with my life where it is. I love my school, I love my friends, I love my life. I cannot remember the last time I was truly sad. Well, I guess that would be sometime around the beginning of June, but either way, the point is I am very happy with my current situation.
Okay, so, in the past two months I have met more boyfriends and girlfriends and friends with benefits and best friends in love than I can count on two hands. I have seen more people find each other and like each other and fall for each other and cry about each other than I have ever seen in my life. I guess it's because we're all college kids, living the real college life now, right? I have seen people who have been together for 5 years and are still going strong, and people who drunkenly stumbled upon each other one night and really found a connection. Love is in the air all around me. And I refuse to be jaded enough to say that love does not exist in the gay community. I refuse to be naive enough to say the gays are too shallow to really be searching for a connection. Those used to be my excuses, my personal ways of explaining why I was so lonely. But everyone wants that intimacy and connection with someone, and that is what I am here to write about. I want a relationship, sure, but I don't want it overnight and I don't want it to be superficial. I want that feeling of someone staring at me endearingly as I get worked up, talking passionately about theater. And something like that takes time. My standards aren't unrealistic. I just won't allow myself to settle, so they feel unreachable. Boys used to stress me out, more than any of you actually know. I've gotten to a point where I realized there's nothing I can do but NOT stress out. If someone is going to love me, he is going to love me. And there is no reason I should be something or someone else for this person. It seems almost laughable doesn't it, that I would need to realize something like that? In any case, I think this is the first time in my life that I can actually say that I'm ready for a real relationship. And along with that readiness comes an extra sense of patience. Because I know the next relationship I am in will be a real one. Which is pretty liberating.
Okay, so, in the past two months I have met more boyfriends and girlfriends and friends with benefits and best friends in love than I can count on two hands. I have seen more people find each other and like each other and fall for each other and cry about each other than I have ever seen in my life. I guess it's because we're all college kids, living the real college life now, right? I have seen people who have been together for 5 years and are still going strong, and people who drunkenly stumbled upon each other one night and really found a connection. Love is in the air all around me. And I refuse to be jaded enough to say that love does not exist in the gay community. I refuse to be naive enough to say the gays are too shallow to really be searching for a connection. Those used to be my excuses, my personal ways of explaining why I was so lonely. But everyone wants that intimacy and connection with someone, and that is what I am here to write about. I want a relationship, sure, but I don't want it overnight and I don't want it to be superficial. I want that feeling of someone staring at me endearingly as I get worked up, talking passionately about theater. And something like that takes time. My standards aren't unrealistic. I just won't allow myself to settle, so they feel unreachable. Boys used to stress me out, more than any of you actually know. I've gotten to a point where I realized there's nothing I can do but NOT stress out. If someone is going to love me, he is going to love me. And there is no reason I should be something or someone else for this person. It seems almost laughable doesn't it, that I would need to realize something like that? In any case, I think this is the first time in my life that I can actually say that I'm ready for a real relationship. And along with that readiness comes an extra sense of patience. Because I know the next relationship I am in will be a real one. Which is pretty liberating.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
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